Yay stealing g-man's tags again!

He gets the coolest tags. I am so jealous! So first I have to tell 10 of my super-secrets. I'm not even sure I have 1 secret that someone doesn't know, but here goes.

1. I have a major guilt complex. I still feel guilty about things I did as a child to the point that it's made me feel ill.
2. I wear socks so little that when I actually do I often rewear dirty ones as long as they don't smell too bad. And yes, I sniff test. (ewwww right? =P)
3. I don't read fiction because I'm afraid it will make me hate my own life.
4. I have (had) a top secret money stash. Now its not top secret anymore.
5. I'm in love.
6. Cartoon movies make me cry 9 times out of 10 that I watch them.
7. Red roses annoy me. I believe they say something about the character of the giver.
8. I have actual conversations with my cats and fully believe that they understand.
9. I still like to play with Barbie dolls.
10.My biggest fear is living without the internet.


Ok this is the "I" tag. Just answer all these like i did.




i am: (prefix a/an as you see fit) silly, immature, sensitive and sometimes a grouch

i think: about the future... constantly.

i know: what I want out of life, finally.

i want: ice cream. that's the 2nd thing i want, but the first could get long.

i have: hope

i wish: i were somewhere else.

i hate: when people choose to live an empty life to make things easier.

i miss: having someone around to hug.

i fear: losing my internet!

i feel: generally happier than I have in my entire life.

i hear: weird alternative music O_O. I need to change this radio station.

i smell: *finds something* butterscotch! It was fairly clean air but that sounded kinda boring.

i crave: my special someone

i search: for a way to make my dreams come true

i wonder: if there's a way for me to change the world for the better.

i regret: losing faith

i love: my special someone, sushi, working in photoshop, my cats

i ache: when i stub my toe? lol.

i am not:the droid you are looking for

i dance: for exercise!

i sing: any chance i get, especially in public.

i cry: when I'm lonely

i dont always: take good care of myself.

i fight: when someone tries to hurt someone I care for.

i write: way too much in one blog post!

i win: when i don't give up.

i lose: when I second guess myself.

i never: imagined my life would be like it is.

i always: wear perfume when I go out.

i confuse: few people. I'm quite transparent.

i listen:to weird music.

i can usually be found: at the PC

i need: something to concentrate on constantly.

i am happy about: my life turning around.

i imagine: what my kids will look like.

i tag: Rainy, Bob, and YOU, yeah, you, the person reading this.

Mecollage

G-man tagged me with this "me collage" thing and I tried it. I may have messed up or broken some rules but It'll have to do =P

Here is why I put what I did here.

1. The moon in the background represents the fact that I'm a night person.
2. The stars and wings are for my best friends, who are my angels.
3. The heart represents... My heart!
4. Then there's the bandage that protects it and holds it together. Not everybody needs to get that reference I don't think.
5. NO SMOKING! That seems to take over my life at some points and be all I can think about, but I'm going to stay strong.
6. Coke Zero!!! My caffeinated lifeblood, woohoo!
7. The big cat - Is soft and pretty but not very nice when provoked. Plus I love felines of all kinds!
8. The image itself um... kinda represents my love of photoshop =)
9. The red tones represent my mood right now. Don't worry it's not at you!

8

Of course nobody tags me so I ripped this off g-man's blog since it looked like fun.

8 things I am passionate about

1. "You know who" yeah you know who you are =P

2. My friends

3. My cats

4. The interwebs!

5. Singing

6. Graphics Design

7. Learning - Contrary to popular belief I love to learn new things. Just not what others want me to usually =). I do rather love history and finding out about other parts of the world.

8. Gaming

8 things I wanna do before I die

1. Have children

2. Have my own successful business

3. Learn to cook as well as my grandmother could

4. Travel the world (especially Asia).

5. Settle in one place for more than 10 years

6. Meet my great grandchildren

7. Be famous for something positive

8. Grow a gigantic flower garden

8 things I say often

1. OMG

2. Sheeeat (Said as not to sound like the actual swear.)

3. AWESOME

4. Uhoh

5. um ok...

6. Howdy

7. dude

8. lol

8 books I read recently

I don't really read books. Just magazines. The true story kind and i got a photoshop tutorial book the other day.

8 songs I could listen to over and over again

1. Cold - Annie Lennox

2. Tunak Tunak Tun - Daler Mehndi

3. Best of You - Foo Fighters

4. Reason To Believe - Rod Stewart

5. Vicinity of Obscenity - System of a Down (Banana banana banana terracotta pie!)

6. Until the End of Time - Justin Timberlake

7. Linger - The Cranberries

8. Broken - Seether/Amy Lee

8 people I think should do this tag

I'm not sure that 8 people read my blog! But tell me if you do it!

Hera the Hippie?

So I went out shopping. I got a new hoodie, some herbal calming pill things and ate really crappy lasagna for lunch. So I'm walking out of the mall towards Aldi (who sell really good cheap stuff!) and start to pass this group of school children who were probably ages 8-13.

One of them calls out to me "Hey you! Are you a hippie??" all the others are laughing and I say "No, what in the hell are you?" Of course I'm not one to pick fights with kids so I stood around and let them ask questions while a couple of them scooted around on skateboards and scooters.

Anyway these kids are totally dumbfounded at my weird american-australian-slanged up accent. and ask "Where are you from?" I answer "Across town". They were none too happy with that. So, they asked "What are you doing here?" I said "Shopping". "Where are your groceries?" "in my bag and I'm headed to get more." Something made me feel inclined to stay and let them keep asking questions. Maybe I was lonely or MAYBE I was about to be heavily entertained.

Anyway the puny little punk kid that asked the original hippie question kept skateboarding back in forth way too close to me. I kept humoring the kids until exactly what I was waiting for happened... BOOM punk skateboard kid falls and busts his ass on the concrete. For once I was ready with exactly what to say. "Have a nice trip. See you next fall." EVERY other kid laughed like crazy and I had obviously earned my "cred"

So I walked off and finished my shopping and got some more frozen butter chicken and rice meals (They ROCK) and some spaghetti stuff and some bananas (had too many already =() and an avocado and a bunch of totally unnecessary junk food that I will hide from myself. I also got a decent walk in so that's 2 days this week. The junk food is stuff i can have in tiny bits and enjoy. I find individual packaging is my friend when trying not to eat myself to death =).

Oh and I got these herbal calming pill things. They're actually something you need to have several times a day. Maybe they will help me stay calm while I continue to quit smoking.

And for the record I look nothing like a hippie! I just had a lot of multicolored barettes in my hair and was wearing some bright eyeshadow because I thought I looked a little sleepy and wanted my eyes to look a little perkier. Oh.. and I guess these days wearing pants that don't wedge themselves in your buttcrack is considered kind of strange too. I will wear my wide-legged jeans until you pry them off my cold... dead... legs? Oh well. Fashion is stupid. I have no use for it. I don't care if everybody else is wearing solid black. I was in a rainbow mood today.

That proves my point though. Kids these days are really really really undisciplined... and stupid... and have no respect. I will bitch more about that when I'm 80 or something.

Pip pip cheerio!

Early in the mornin'

And I'm up and have nothing to blog about other than walking to the store earlier today. I just feel inclined to keep updating. Oh and I decided to put a bigass IMVU banner to the side of my page. So if you want to earn some credits in there for me sign up under that link.

Oh yeah, I walked to the store and I'm completely and totally out of shape. So, I'm going to start walking to the store more often until I don't feel like I'm dying by the time I get home. I got the stuff to make nachos at the store, but I was too tired when I got back so I guess I'm having nachos for lunch tomorrow.

I need to lose a little weight. All the stuff I've put my body thru in the last several months has turned my "fat pants" into my normal pants. I am the heaviest I have ever been and slightly overweight for the first time in my life. I'm not a perfectionist and don't care if I'm a little doughy generally, but when it becomes a health hazard it's time to start losing. Right now is a very bad time to give up my chocolate habit. So, I guess that will have to be with exercise.

I'm not big on changing the more permanent aspects of my body. I'm fairly happy with the way I'm fairly happy with the way I'm built and I'm trying to grow my hair longer so I guess I will adjust to it being turd brown because I won't be coloring it anymore. Right now it's kinda off red because the dye washed out a lot, but it's going back to the natural color it seems. If it doesn't I'm coloring it the natural color and leaving it alone.

My internet is chock full of retard this morning. It's disconnected like 3 times already so this post might not be in the morning at the rate it's going. So yeah I'm going to go ahead and post this while the posting is good because, though this is a crap post, I hate losing work. Yeeeeeah.

Damnit!

This is just a post to say that I hate most people. Why? Not because they look or smell funny or snort when they laugh or listen to bad music or walk on the grass on my lawn when they're walking down the street and there are no cars coming. It's simple. They're farking inconsiderate!

Not saying that some of the stuff above couldn't be classed as inconsiderate, but it isn't the kind I'm talking about. I mean this newly "evolved" race of human beings that can go through life with their thumb up their ass going LA LA LA THE WORLD F*CKING REVOLVES AROUND MEEEE!

We're all guilty of this to a degree, but ffs! I have been on a psychological rollercoaster of suck for the last 3 1/2 weeks. EVERYBODY I deal with knows it. Everybody that reads this blog knows it! STILL, countless times people have done things that absolutely stomped on my nerves that they could have easily lived without doing.

For instance, Wednesday I decided to go out to the pub and try to sing some karaoke. I despise going to the pub for reasons other than getting a chance to sing. I called my "friend" to come out with me. Mind you when i say despise, I mean... sit there nervous the whole time and try to hide or sit as close to an employee as possible in hopes the drunks wont hassle me despise. This night was no different. I sat at the very front in easy sight of the karaoke people and looked through my song book hoping this friend would show up soon. So, 10-15 minutes later (When said "friend" was 10-15 minutes late already) this stupid stinking beer-drunk asshole comes and puts his arm around me and says he's looking at my book. First of all this makes NO sense. I have been sitting studying the same page for a song for about 2 minutes already and there is a book not being used on the next table. So, I sternly say something along the lines of "TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME NOW!" *(I say along the lines because i don't remember if I said Take your or get your). This guy calls me a bitch and walks off muttering insults.

I totally let this slide! I am in the mood to sing. There is nothing I can do in this situation that would do anything but cause more drama, which would make me more anxious. --- about 15-20 minutes later the "friend" shows up!!! He didn't see me where I was sitting so i followed him out to the dreaded smoking area. I went no further than a couple of feet out the door for OBVIOUS reasons. I call his name and he turns around, and what does he IMMEDIATELY do? Light up and blow the smoke RIGHT IN MY FACE. Only a few hours earlier I'd spent a good 20 minutes on the phone with him. at least 3 or 4 of those talking about my quitting smoking. Of course that shot my mood to 0 and I ended up singing 2 songs and leaving after being there about an hour and a half. That's okay though. Coming home and talking to my friends was much more fun.

Okay that's very blatantly being inconsiderate. The little things get to me over time too. Like how I do everything in my power to stay calm even though I'm very very irritable and feel like biting most peoples' faces off and spitting the remains back onto them. Of course, EVERY DAY someone does something they KNOW upsets me, stresses me out or just gets on my nerves.

For instance, Buzzing me and nudging me in IM... Someone I've told NEVER EVER EVER to do that decides to do it after a month. Now, i thought that was no problem because well, nobody had in so long (Its mostly people that are new to the internet and dickheads that use that anyway right?) I have since got my new computer so I had yet to turn it off. Of course I'm working in photoshop, carefully drawing some nose details on my skin when *OHERKEWJHROIJEHROUHER* (dont know how to imitate the sound) ___ has just sent you a nudge! and HAY U THERE? Of course I was in complete peace and quiet, concentrating and it scared the crap out of me and i ruined what i was drawing and bumped my knee on my desk. So I IM back, as this isn't really someone I want to block. "Hey don't _expletive deleted_ do that! I've told you like 50 times!" (I didn't know where to turn the nudge off on msn until I got a random chat that did it, swore at them and they, amazingly enough, told me how to! KEEPER!) What's the response? A simple "Whats up ur ass?"
Well jackass you will never find out even if there is something because you're farking blocked.

While we're on the subject of "R u there?????" I will NEVER reply more quickly if someone asks me that.

Of course that's just the tip of the iceburg. In the last month I've blocked and or deleted several contacts from the various messengers I use and SL. These are for a range of reasons including excessive "r u there", Trying to engage me in conversations about sex, Telling me extremely graphic and gross stories, starting EVERY conversation with details of a negative event and trying to borrow game currency after not speaking to me for over a month. Everybody that got blocked knew better. I'm probably way way way better off.

Anyway I'm gonna go work on my skin. I wanna get chilled out. By the way, I DID mess up a few times, but I'm still quitting smoking and doing damned good with it. If anybody was curious.

Byeeee

Realizations...

I am going thru one of the scariest parts of my life right now. I think other people get to learn things about themselves gradually, but I'm getting a crash course in Hera 101.

One of the things that scares me the most is I have been doing things in a way that would keep people from thinking I am "weird". The problem is I don't even like these people I've been worried about judging me.

I gave up a lot of my morals and what I really felt so I could avoid being considered strange or a prude. I am taking all of them back and living my life for myself and those who really matter. Some of those people actually still think I'm a nice, respectable girl. *winks* That's a big title to live up to, but everybody needs a goal right?

I also realized that I need to start acting more like a woman. Yes, I can have fun and hang in with the guys, but some things just aren't proper and women and men were made different for a reason. We are supposed to be the gentle voice of reason. I'm sure lots of people will think that sounds sexist, but that's another thing I've tried to deny.

Yes, I'm sexist against my own gender. No, I don't think men are better than women. I just think that women screwed themselves out of their natural rights. As I said before, women and men are different. Equal, but different. We were intended to take different positions in life. Ok I guess you wanna know where I'm going with this right? I ache for a traditional lifestyle. Husband, kids, hell, I want to be a housewife.

Uhoh how many of you just cringed? Would you have even 20 years ago? Suddenly the aspiration to take care of my husband and children is far fetched, selfish and lazy. That's what I've always wanted to do with my life. I never much cared about getting a degree or anything like that. I'm afraid I'm going to regret that though. Because I'm realizing living that sort of lifestyle is most likely impossible.

That's one of the good things I found out about myself. I don't need a lot to be happy. I'm almost sure i could survive on love, food, shelter, clothing, air and internet access. Yeah that last one is a little frivolous but I need my computer. My friends live in it! If not for them I could totally do without it.

Oh, would you believe, I'm actually somewhat talented. I get my biggest kicks out of creating something new and seeing other people benefit from it or enjoy it. It took a lot of help from my friends, but even Alan noted today that I do good work. That felt pretty good considering he was suffering from woman trouble and is almost impossible to distract from things like that. I guess nice guys really do finish last.

I guess that's another thing I've learned lately. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get caught in jet engines.

Finally, thanks to Bob and his friends, I've learned how different life can be just because of where you are born. I knew that things weren't the same as here all over the world, but just talking to him and reading various blogs has shown me that there are in fact VERY different, but civilized parts of the world. I may even venture to say better. People of some cultures just have a lot more heart than Americans and Aussies. Nuff said.

Now I've realized I'm too tired to keep blogging about this. I suppose I could make a whole other post if need be. So I'm out.