Realizations...

I am going thru one of the scariest parts of my life right now. I think other people get to learn things about themselves gradually, but I'm getting a crash course in Hera 101.

One of the things that scares me the most is I have been doing things in a way that would keep people from thinking I am "weird". The problem is I don't even like these people I've been worried about judging me.

I gave up a lot of my morals and what I really felt so I could avoid being considered strange or a prude. I am taking all of them back and living my life for myself and those who really matter. Some of those people actually still think I'm a nice, respectable girl. *winks* That's a big title to live up to, but everybody needs a goal right?

I also realized that I need to start acting more like a woman. Yes, I can have fun and hang in with the guys, but some things just aren't proper and women and men were made different for a reason. We are supposed to be the gentle voice of reason. I'm sure lots of people will think that sounds sexist, but that's another thing I've tried to deny.

Yes, I'm sexist against my own gender. No, I don't think men are better than women. I just think that women screwed themselves out of their natural rights. As I said before, women and men are different. Equal, but different. We were intended to take different positions in life. Ok I guess you wanna know where I'm going with this right? I ache for a traditional lifestyle. Husband, kids, hell, I want to be a housewife.

Uhoh how many of you just cringed? Would you have even 20 years ago? Suddenly the aspiration to take care of my husband and children is far fetched, selfish and lazy. That's what I've always wanted to do with my life. I never much cared about getting a degree or anything like that. I'm afraid I'm going to regret that though. Because I'm realizing living that sort of lifestyle is most likely impossible.

That's one of the good things I found out about myself. I don't need a lot to be happy. I'm almost sure i could survive on love, food, shelter, clothing, air and internet access. Yeah that last one is a little frivolous but I need my computer. My friends live in it! If not for them I could totally do without it.

Oh, would you believe, I'm actually somewhat talented. I get my biggest kicks out of creating something new and seeing other people benefit from it or enjoy it. It took a lot of help from my friends, but even Alan noted today that I do good work. That felt pretty good considering he was suffering from woman trouble and is almost impossible to distract from things like that. I guess nice guys really do finish last.

I guess that's another thing I've learned lately. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get caught in jet engines.

Finally, thanks to Bob and his friends, I've learned how different life can be just because of where you are born. I knew that things weren't the same as here all over the world, but just talking to him and reading various blogs has shown me that there are in fact VERY different, but civilized parts of the world. I may even venture to say better. People of some cultures just have a lot more heart than Americans and Aussies. Nuff said.

Now I've realized I'm too tired to keep blogging about this. I suppose I could make a whole other post if need be. So I'm out.