My cats

I talk about my cats but never showed them here! The multicolored one is Priscilla or "Prissy". The black one is Buddy or "Buddylicious" as I've been calling him lately heh.

IMVU Hera

I think everybody already knows that I play Second Life, and being the virtual-world nut that I am, I let those stupid ads for IMVU influence me until I made an account. I also registered my name so it doesn't have Guest_ in the front of it (Costs about $8) as well as bought a few credits.

Good news is I've already learned to create/texture stuff for it and I already made a whopping 49 credits. It's pretty easy to play with especially since I'm used to the hassle which is Second Life creating.

Here's a picture of the IMVU me. I'm sure it will change all the time just like the SL me, but oh well.

Yay

I've decided that I'm not going to censor my thoughts, emotions or opinions in this blog anymore. I might even note when I pas gas while posting. Just kidding. Girls don't pass gas.

I haven't gone to prison for murdering anybody...

I just haven't had much to write about except for nicotine withdrawals and Photoshop. So sorry =-P. The nic cravings aren't going too bad. I found a cigarette packet with 1 in it this morning and freaked out a little, but promptly discarded it in a way it could never be smoked.
I've been pretty calm but I still sleep WAY too much. I'd much rather be productive than waste day AND night. I'm sure I'll get over it.

Oh I'm thinking about buying an Asus EEE PC when I've been off the smokes for a month. You know, treat myself a little.

Anyway nothing worth a crap to talk about right now.

QuitX Nicotine Patches SUCK!

I normally wouldn't bash a branded product right here on my blog, but I have to warn all Aussies trying to quit smoking using the patch that I can. I don't know... I guess I feel that it's my duty and I wouldn't want to meet anyone trying to quit smoking using these patches either.

The first time I quit smoking I used the Nicabate CQ Patches. It honestly helped lots! It killed off most of the withdrawal symptoms and cravings. So obviously, this time, I decided to try the same thing again. (Just hope I have more willpower afterwards this time.) But, I made the mistake of buying the $14 cheaper QuitX patches this time. Oh boy, I'm frugal!

Anyway the first thing you notice about these, are that they are like a funny round band-aid (sticky around the edges with the "stuff" in the middle and made out of similar material) instead of the squarish, sturdy, plasticky Nicabate patches. I figured if they were $20 a box they had to work similarly right?

Sometimes it would pay for me to be a bit cynical towards these things because 7 days of these patches = a week of hell. The first thing I noticed was that they didn't stick well. And I'll tell ya what, the last thing you want on your 2nd day of trying to quit is to wake up with the stupid patch nowhere to be found. Also, I don't know if this was the brand or bad luck or what, but the fun and interesting lucid dreams I had last time I was on a 24 hour patch (half the reason i use the 24 hour one) were mostly nightmares about really weird snakes and spiders and some pretty creepy stuff. The main problem with these was... They just don't kill the cravings as well!
Nowhere near as well. I spent a lot of last week sitting and crying, unable to concentrate and sleeping. I even ended up at the doctor because I had been so upset, my blood sugar wouldn't behave and I ended up with ketones day after day. Also, the stupid things gave me a huge blister on one of my arms. I used the Nicabate plan all the way thru last time and the worst thing that happened was they left some sticky stuff on me. Annoying, but way better than falling off.
So, yesterday I was smart and when I had to get new ones, got Nicabate again this time. I hardly believe how different they are. The headaches that were driving me to tears are gone, I can sort of concentrate, I have very few cravings and feel 100x better than before. Also I dreamt I was at a party with some friends, but I smoked in the dream. At least I got my fix somewhere right? That's happened a couple of times, but somehow I wake up feeling like I've smoked? Anyway, i noticed the difference within a few hours of changing brands. Nobody should be allowed to market something as a "similar product" if it is that crappy in comparison to what it's imitating.

Man, I don't believe I can spend so much text writing about how crappy something is compared to how awesome something is, but cool... I hope I at least got the point across! Really though, if you're serious about quitting and a heavy smoker, just go ahead and get the good brand if you intend to use the patch. If you're in the US they're likely still less costly than your smoking budget. In Australia, they are less than half per week. Don't get conned into thinking you're getting a bargain by buying a drastically inferior product. And if you too are trying to quit, I wholeheartedly wish you the best of luck.

My Opals... Let me show you them!

Finally I got un-lazy enough to take pics of my rough opals during sunlight. I know to the untrained eye they look like ugly rocks with pretty flecks... Well fark, to me they look like ugly rocks with pretty flecks. But, if you want to see the potential of these little stones you can get an idea what they can turn into here.
Sorry I'm absolutely craptastic with photography, but you can probably get an idea of what colors are in these from the huge-antimous image (I thumbnailed it. Aren't I sweet?)


Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!


Anyhow, *coughs* the reason these are numbered is so that I can talk about them and make sense instead of "You know that little tiny whitish colored one?" I have a number for it!

So here's my new hobby, polishing these... With sandpaper... Wish me luck in NOT causing injury to my fingers!

Links to my stuff =P

Here is the link to my gallery on ShareCG where I have my color palettes! Yay. =)

Interesting day...

I can't even call today a good or bad day, so I will say it was interesting. It started off with my ketones being retarded, but I had good company so it wasn't quite so bad. I have slept about 3 times today. That's a bit of both. I have been completely tired, which sucks. But, at least I'm sleeping thru a lot of my nicotine withdrawals. Speaking of which, my stupid nicotine patch gave me a huge blister on my arm! I was pretty angry at that.

As far as the good things go, I finally managed to get to the Sushi train and eat a sashimi bento and drink a Pocca coffee. Yes, eating raw fish and drinking cold coffee can make my day. I also got some wet/dry sandpaper stuff to start polishing my opals. I still have to take some pics of them for my friend before I start grinding on them though. I think they will have pretty color.

I have absolutely got to find another project to get into tonight other than more sleeping! Ideally, one with money making potential. I have been seriously considering making some things for renderosity.com, but even though I think I could do it, I don't have poser so I don't completely trust myself. I have been making some free realistic color palettes to give away for free. If anybody here wants those let me know and I will pop them up here.

Anyway, I'm going to go see what I can get myself into. Have a good one guys, I'll probably be back soon!

Aussie food sucks. Nuff said!

Of course that sounds mean. I meant it that way. First of all, I don't understand how companies can make items with the same label that are supposed to be the same as in the US so godawfully different. I once ate a can of Campbells' tomato soup over here and nearly gagged because it was so sugary! Even a lot of rissoles, which are essentially hamburger patties with "stuff" in them i.e. vegetables, are sweet half the time. Nobody is sugaring up my food except the manufacturers. This is the way things that should be totally savory come off the shelf here and it farking scares me, being a diabetic and has since I first realized it.

So this morning I was hungry and the food supply in the house was slack so I get this stuff out of the cabinet called "All day breakfast". Oh yum! baked beans, sausage, a sprinkling of ham and a few potatoes. That should be a decent meal right? NO! As I heated it in the microwave I read the can out of boredom. I nearly dropped it when I read that this contained 30 grams of sugar! Ok... Potatoes, high carbohydrate, but not enough of those in it to warrant 30 F*CKING grams of SUGAR. Beans maybe a little of it, but, I am figuring the sauce it was in might be the culprit. It doesn't even taste that good though. Why add the sugar?

This will keep happening until I decide to cook everything I eat from vegetables I grew in the ground. What's ridiculous is the extra, totally un-necessary sugar makes the food taste like crap. If I'm going to commit sugary genocide against myself I at least want to make it worth it. Hell I could have a *real* Pepsi or Coke for that much sugar. Hell, even a packet of Peanut M&M's would have been a healthier breakfast for me. And folks, I think that's mighty sad.

I guess that this wouldn't come off as that important to some people who aren't used to having these things, but, WHERE THE #$#& CAN I GET CRISPY BACON AROUND HERE? That is the only part of a pig worth eating. The crispy yummy breakfasty American style fatty bacon. And if you ask for it in Australia, the butcher will look at you like you just told them you shot their dog and they have testicular cancer, but sang the news to the tune of "Somewhere over the Rainbow". Also, hot dogs have SKIN EWW EWW EWW. I would nearly kill for some Oscar Meyer wieners. And for those of you that don't understand American branding, I know nobody named Oscar or Oscar Meyer so don't even try to make a bad joke. Also, to my dismay, Slim Jims do not make it through customs. I tried =(.

Anyway I'm trying to find some better stuff to eat on the grocery store website (http://www.woolworths.com.au) Apparently they deliver groceries to this area now. WOOT! Also I'm hanging with Bob and feel rude tabbed over bitching about food while he's around. So bye for now!

Blah...

Not the first time you've seen that as a blog title I assume! Sorry to be unoriginal but it fits. I dealt with ketones and slept most of the day today. Ketones are when a diabetic's body decides to go completely retarded and start eating at body fat. If you want a better explanation I even looked up a link. http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-and-ketones.html .

I felt sort of forsaken today as nobody RL checked on me at all during my 9 hour ketone induced nap. Bob rang me a few times and sent me a text. Of course when I finally got up he made me feel a lot better too. He has to be the most caring and dependable person I know.

I haven't really got any work done as I can't think of much to do today. I'm kinda thinking I should just get some new Photoshop brushes and stuff to use later. My brain probably needs a vacation. I could even blog more. It's not like it will hurt me to write stuff out. I have really been enjoying that lately. When my brain stops being mush I think I will start writing some Photoshop tutorials.

Anyway, I'm ok. That was the main point of this post, to let all my friends know that I haven't gone to jail for killing someone in a fit of nicotine craving rage. That's actually not that bad today. I hope everyone is having a splendid what-ever-time-of-day it is and I will write something later I'm pretty sure. Take care all!

Thinking Things Over

I am scared that who I am and who I've become is going to screw me out of going where I want to go and being who I want to be (and truly am). My whole life has been a bit troublesome. I've only realized how much so looking back from my adult life. I think I'm going to end up being punished for things that people I know consider no big deal. Because to me, they are and to the people that truly matter to me they are.

I don't want to go through the rest of my life settling for less or worse because I made mistakes and did things that I shouldn't have before they were even classified as wrong to me. I want to redeem myself and be a good person. I know that my past will always reflect a little on my present, but I want nothing more than the chance to prove that I'm a good person even so.

I have asked God for a lot of favors lately. I try not to ask for too many. It seems the one I pray for the most is to be "good". I also ask for God to do whatever he sees fit with my life, but please help me cope with whatever he throws at me. I think he is helping me gradually, but reminding me that I was a little badass for so long that I have a lot of making up to do.

Of course I pray for my friends too. I hope it helps. If my atheist friends read this they'd think I was nutty, but I really don't care anymore. After all, even if there were nothing, what's wrong with willing good things upon people or believing something is watching out for you? I have been in a spiritual slump more than once. Those were the most desperate times in my life. When I started asking for God's help and thanking him for what I had things got better. It could have been a coincidence (Though I don't believe it was) Or it could be the man upstairs looking out for me. Either way, I know I will never abandon my spirituality again for ANYBODY.

I have been blessed with some of the kindest, most caring friends and the most wonderful guy I could possibly have. I guess thats where my fears come from. Sometimes I think I'm not good enough for these people. One in particular, I'm afraid I will shame because of the way my life has gone. That's the last thing I want to do, but I won't give up on him because it's just too odd how we were brought together. Unless he's going to be taken away from me later (As a big big punishment for being a bad bad girl) I feel that the feelings we share were meant to be.

I probably shouldn't write too much about that. I have a feeling the "wrong" people are just waiting to get hold of my blog and chew me into little tiny pieces for writing out my feelings in a place where I can be identified. But you know what? I've been overcautious because of that very reason for years. I get tired of having to hide everything I feel. Hell, most of the people that will read this are total strangers or friends of friends. What do I REALLY have to hide?

I guess the worst thing that could happen is embarrassment. And I've come to learn some things about feelings like that. They never last *that* long and are never as bad as you think they will be. I guess I should remodel my life a little and start thinking of the things I want to say and do and analyze the repercussions to see which of those things could actually hurt me (Like bungee jumping) and which will temporarily sting (like getting laughed at for my opinion on something) I think if I could get that down I would have a happier life.

Another thing I'm trying to learn is how to close a blog post without being abrupt when I run out of things to write about... Like... now =P

Progress maybe?

Yay! I just woke up from a (long) nap feeling mostly human! Now if I could just stop having the long naps twice plus a day (When the cravings get really insane) I would be on a roll.
I actually have faith that I'm going to manage to quit now that the worst of it is over (I hope!)! I have been praying and trying to think positively a lot.

Today I actually managed to get most of a new skin done in SL. She's really pretty. If I'm not too lazy I will post a picture of her here sometime. Though, the next will probably already be done before I think about it.

I need to actually think of something to do to get out and into some sunlight. Unfortunately, quitting everything most people here do for entertainment kind of leaves me at a loss. All those "cool" friends I had around here are nowhere to be found now that I've said "I don't care to go to the pub anymore." At least I was able to afford this shiny new computer that doesn't crash on me every 20 minutes because I wasn't spending all my money on "entertainment" I could barely remember, right?

That kind of goes back to my first post about most of my friends being online. Pretty much everybody that means anything to me communicates with me here. Even my own mother uses ICQ to speak to me instead of calling! Of course, there are the wonderful people I've met online. My two best girl-friends and Bob being the most notable, but I love all my friends. Oh... And a few of the "good ones" from back home still talk to me on MSN and ICQ. Unfortunately, I find myself wanting to kill every one of them most of the time except for Justin and Alan. (I just want to kill them occasionally.)

I guess I asked for no real-life friends by kind of falling out of the "scene" and not being over-eager to go out and find new ones, but honestly, the people in this area have been a serious disappointment. I've thought about church, but I'm not quite sure which one I'd fit into here. So, I figure for now why not just stick with my friends online? I mean, millions of people I can have an intelligent, or at least mostly coherent conversation with? (Though I've narrowed my choices for whom to do that with down to about 10-15).

Ahh well! Enough complaining for now! Wait, was that complaining? Nah... I wasn't complaining! Just stating the facts. Be back later, hopefully with something better to write about.

Sorry to be a worry...

Yeah the quitting smoking thing is totally kicking my ass. Even with nicotine patches, I can't concentrate and have trouble keeping with any activity for more than a few minutes. Strangely enough, I find that I'm getting by the best when I have someone to talk to online, especially Bob. He keeps me from wanting to set things on fire and yell.

My other friends are very supportive too, but I also think they're scared. I got all grouchy at my best girl-friend and felt horrible. I cleared it up thank goodness. I wasn't even really mad at her, just mad period.

I guess I'm getting a little work done. I've been making some color palettes for Photoshop that should really help me with some of my skin making. I'll be glad when the worst of the nicotine withdrawals are over so I can actually use them.

OH! I got a new sound card yesterday! A Sound Blaster X-fi Xtreme Gamer! Yeah I'm a real "xtreme" gamer. I can play Second Life and Peggle Extreme (Downloaded that for free from Steam yesterday cause I have an Nvidia card!) In extra pretty sound! Ok, I could have probably got by with a cheaper one, but that's what they had at the shop and I wanted instant gratification!

I might actually write again today. I'm lost for words now, but just had a 4 hour nap so I will probably be up a long while. So ttfn...

Stupid Quitting Smoking

Right now I'd almost give up part of my life not to smell things more strongly and have this stupid headache. I've made it 24 hours, but I think quitting is actually getting worse.

I can't concentrate enough to even take up a project to try to cool myself down. This majorly sucks.

Shopping Exttravaganza?

I made it out to the mall today and ended up trying to take home half of it as well as enduring the most painful cosmetic procedure I've ever had.
I'm not a huge shopper. I usually go when I actually need something. Well, I guess I did today, but I think I overdid it a bit! I came home with 3 new lipsticks (Maybeline was on sale dude!), a broom, a mop, a new can for my change, towels for making my cat bed and stuffed dragons with pot bellies! Oh, and bought some lotto tickets I'm about to scratch.

- Please Wait -
*Expletive Deleted*
Just won a $1 ticket this time. There's always next time to lose a few bucks though right?

Anyway, if you're wondering, The painful cosmetic procedure was facial waxing. I decided I needed new eyebrows and on the spot, decided to get rid of my upper lip hair thats only noticeable if you're way way way way way too far into my personal space anyway. I'm used to having my eyebrows pulled out at the roots, but SHEESH the lip actually made me swear aloud!!!! But, the chick promptly showed me how much hair she waxed off and we both agreed it was totally worth it. I still feel a little numb there, but smooth as a baby's butt.

Oh yeah. I got some Tulsi tea with gotu kola! I popped the box a little earlier and i smell it and its nice. It's supposed to calm you and do all sorts of neat stuff. The gotu kola is for memory!

I also went to the pet store and held the fluffiest kitten ever. He was a really pretty light ginger color. But, when I handed him back I noticed I'd been coated in ginger fur in the 2 minutes I held him. Sorry cat... I'll stick to my short haired Buddy & Prissy.

Anyway, I came home and slept for about 8 hours. I meant to only have a nap, but thats just the way it goes sometimes right? Honestly, I'm still sleepy, but I'll get over it.

Hehe ok, written enough drivel for right now.

Malayamaybe?

This probably actually says "Stupid White Person" But I tried to write Hera in Malayalam

Introductions

Hello,
I'm Hera. Of course I'm not putting my real name here for obvious reasons. I have created this blog because I am finding it fun to write again, plus, I am about to quit smoking and every opportunity I have to keep my hands busy (Get your mind out of the gutter!) is going to be beneficial.

Maybe I should write a little about myself. I am a 26 (almost 27) year old who immigrated from the USA to Australia about 6 1/2 years ago. I have type 1 diabetes and some other issues I might talk about from time to time, but nothing terribly serious.

I spend a good portion of my life in Photoshop. I play Second Life and love to sing. I have two cats who keep me entertained and most of my friends are online due to reasons I will write about later.

I guess i will include the digest of the last 6 months of my life for anybody that cares.
Last year I exchanged agoraphobia and social anxiety for booze and pot. I felt on top of the world for a long time. I didn't realize what these were doing to the medications for the aforementioned maladies and ended up on a downward spiral of crap.

So, a few months back, I ended up sick and with my diabetes out of control. I ended up taking a couple of ambulance rides in a couple of weeks (My first ambulance rides ever and I don't remember much of either!). I decided to give up the drinking and "herbal refreshment" and try to clean up my life and take control of my health a bit. So with the support of my Bob (The cool-whip on my chocolate jello pudding) and my online friends (who rock) I quit both cold turkey. I've had low-carb beer in my fridge since before the second ambo ride and havent touched it and have been invited to "have a cone" at least 15 times and have declined.

Of course I haven't really been out and about a lot since, but I've come to a conclusion. As long as I can get myself where I need to go without freaking out I'm fine. Why do I have to go to the stupid pub? Of course I lost 98% of the "friends" I had because I stopped partying, but I find that I enjoy digital art and hanging with my friends online more than wasting all my money on beer, falling all over myself and having at least 3 hangovers a week. And I asked myself an important question. "Do they really like me if they mostly deal with me when I'm drunk?"

When I actually realized how much less I was spending by not boozing *hugs her Reclusa keyboard and Wacom graphics tablet* I made another decision. I'm going to quit smoking again! This time I won't have the occasional one at the pub which led to the demise of my last quitting attempt. Maybe this time I will stay off them for good. Of course the MAIN reason for quitting is my health, but that isn't the best incentive for some of us no matter how hard we try to make it.

So I have this crap I'm thinking about doing to keep myself busy. First off my dear friend Neural is having someone send me some rough opals to polish. Sound strange? Well if you've never tried to quit smoking maybe it would. If you have tried a few times you can truly understand how therapeutic rubbing rock against sandpaper would be to someone who literally feels like doing the uppercut finishing move from Mortal Kombat that drops the guy onto spikes under the bridge you're fighting on. Also, I just got the idea to make beds for my cats. They love sleeping in those little cardboard half-boxes that sodas come in. So I am going to make an elasticized cover out of towels (that can be washed) with a little removable mattress for underneath. That way I can replace the boxes if they get all ghetto'd up. I plan to hand sew them because as I said before, I need to keep my hands busy! Of course I will be working in Photoshop A LOT! And I just replaced explodoputer for a new dual-core.

Explodoputer was crashing and freezing at random and eating my work. That's about the last thing I need when I'm trying to stay CALM. My monitor had also eaten it's own ass. I replaced that too. So now I have a dual core 2.4 ghz (Intel) with 2 gigs of ram, a 160 gig HD (or 2 if you count the old one that's in right now), A 20x dual-layer cd burner in a pink case. Yes, a pink case. It was the first thing I noticed when I walked into the computer shop. It actually has good ventilation and cooling. (Including an awesome fan with blue lights on the side.) The monitor I got kicks butt too. I think the display even looks better than Aaron's 22" Viewsonic Widescreen. Don't tell him that though. It's a 19" Samsung Widescreen with a 2ms response time. I actually see the difference between a 2ms and 5ms. Or maybe it's just the fact that it's mine and I love it. (Kinda like a mama with an ugly kid.) Oh and I grabbed some new Logitech 5.1 speakers. I'm a dork. I'm only using the 2 main ones right now until theres more room on my desk, but they still blow the last ones I had out of the water so nyehhh.

Hopefully I will have a lot of interesting stuff to write here. I have some odd views on things so it isn't highly unlikely. I guess I'm thru bitching and bragging for now... Take it easy whoever's reading this!