Baby Mousies!

        Ok, I finally had something awesome to blog about, and obviously have been very lazy! About a month ago Sniffles and Splinter had their first set of children. 8 to be exact. Here are the pics finally =)! If you were wondering, I had to crop my toes out of the middle picture. It just looked silly! 

     Yes, I do have a favorite baby. It's the little light colored one next to mom in the second picture and eating out of the bowl in the 3rd. Excuse all the poop. It's cage clean day.

Accidently deleted a post (And a couple on purpose)

I accidently deleted a particularly unoffensive post and got rid of the emo one-line ones I did a while back. Just a note kinda for myself.

Mousies! Yay!

So, I thought I'm pretty much a cat person that likes dogs, but on visiting the pet store today (after having the bastards at the pathology place take 5 farking vials of blood from me) I find that I'm also a mouse person! Maybe it was the blood loss, but these guys were just soooo cute! The girl at the pet store pulled one out for me to look at and though i was expecting bitey and vicious, it was actually just playful and sniffy.
Of course I came home with a mating pair of them. I have too much time on my hands right now and the pet store buys them for $2 so I said why not. I got them an adorable little plastic case to live in with a little shoe so they can cuddle up and hide when they need to. Lucky little things got some of my old broccoli for dinner. They seemed happy.

Of course I got a couple of pics of them for whoever wants to see. They are a bit blurry cause my camera does weird shiat in the lighting in my room. They are adorable though... The boy is called Splinter and I'm still trying to think of a name for the girl. The top one is the boy the bottom the girl. As you can see the boy tolerates being picked up. The girl runs...

I also FINALLY got a swiss army knife. I'd wanted one for a long time. This is the one I picked up. It's simple, but This one was a bit out of my price range. I guess the only thing the one I got is missing is the saw. I kinda wanted that. Not sure what I'd use it for though.

Anyway, that's about all I have to talk about right now.
bye!!! hehe

Transition...

I have never been one to take myself too seriously. I try not to contemplate the past anymore than I really have to other than maybe thinking about my late grandmother or wondering what happened to an old friend.

Fortunately, most of this year has been worth remembering and hopefully interesting enough to blog about. Well, I'm going to do it anyway.

I mean... heck I should be proud. In the course of 6 months I've stopped drinking, stopped smoking, stopped partaking in herbal refreshment (heh heh), cut meat almost entirely out of my diet, started cooking nice things for myself, started at least TRYING to manage my diabetes, got the papers to sign up for college (which I'm going to get some help filling out), fell completely and totally in love, found God again and started reading my bible and praying every day.

Aside from that, I got back in touch with my own beliefs and have started trying my best to live by them. I've tried to save profanity for when I'm really really mad, I stopped trying to dress to impress others, I embraced my own beliefs on love and family again and genuinely began respecting myself more.

Most importantly, thru the help of some of these wonderful people that have come into my life, I realized that there are still good people in the world that don't want to live life for this second. I found that there are still actually young people that bow their heads and pray. There are people that still obey, respect, and try to take care of their mother and father and plan their life around having a family of their own. There are still places in the world where morals haven't completely been flushed down the toilet. Knowing this is good for my heart.


Now if you're an old friend of mine and are reading this, don't think I've become all high and mighty and judgmental. You can still be my friend if you wanna do things I don't. Just don't expect me to come along for the ride. I'm thankful for knowing that just because someone does something bad doesn't make them bad and for the most important bit of knowledge I've picked up... Though I've always heard it, I've never taken it seriously.


FOLLOW YOUR HEART - It will usually lead you in the right direction.

Hope that wasn't a boring pile of crap. I haven't written in a while.

I'm alive!

Nooo I didn't drop off the face of the earth. I've just been stressed out and too lazy to blog. So since I last said anything I've had a birthday. You'd probably crap yourself if you knew how old I am now. (If you don't already know that is.)

I'm on my last day of nicotine patches unless I crave too bad then I will do 1 more week. It's nice to be free of it.

The other day, I bought myself a bible. I realized that for about 7 years I'd lived in a house without one. That's just too weird for someone from Southeast Alabama. I read it every day now. I forgot how interesting it could be to read as well as comforting. Even if you're non religious, proverbs are a good life-guide. I'd like to think I'm becoming closer to God. I want to find a church to go to if I can.

I've been doing lots of work in Photoshop for Second Life. I really want that to become profitable.

Oh! I've also stopped eating meat at home. I have had meat maybe 3 times total anywhere in over 2 weeks. My stomach is thanking me for that. I am finding lots of healthy alternatives and of course I still have fish some.


Anyway, take care you guys. I'm going to go get ready to go out to sushi. Don't want to scare little children with my sweatpants and fuzzled out hair =P. I will try to write more from now on.

Yay stealing g-man's tags again!

He gets the coolest tags. I am so jealous! So first I have to tell 10 of my super-secrets. I'm not even sure I have 1 secret that someone doesn't know, but here goes.

1. I have a major guilt complex. I still feel guilty about things I did as a child to the point that it's made me feel ill.
2. I wear socks so little that when I actually do I often rewear dirty ones as long as they don't smell too bad. And yes, I sniff test. (ewwww right? =P)
3. I don't read fiction because I'm afraid it will make me hate my own life.
4. I have (had) a top secret money stash. Now its not top secret anymore.
5. I'm in love.
6. Cartoon movies make me cry 9 times out of 10 that I watch them.
7. Red roses annoy me. I believe they say something about the character of the giver.
8. I have actual conversations with my cats and fully believe that they understand.
9. I still like to play with Barbie dolls.
10.My biggest fear is living without the internet.


Ok this is the "I" tag. Just answer all these like i did.




i am: (prefix a/an as you see fit) silly, immature, sensitive and sometimes a grouch

i think: about the future... constantly.

i know: what I want out of life, finally.

i want: ice cream. that's the 2nd thing i want, but the first could get long.

i have: hope

i wish: i were somewhere else.

i hate: when people choose to live an empty life to make things easier.

i miss: having someone around to hug.

i fear: losing my internet!

i feel: generally happier than I have in my entire life.

i hear: weird alternative music O_O. I need to change this radio station.

i smell: *finds something* butterscotch! It was fairly clean air but that sounded kinda boring.

i crave: my special someone

i search: for a way to make my dreams come true

i wonder: if there's a way for me to change the world for the better.

i regret: losing faith

i love: my special someone, sushi, working in photoshop, my cats

i ache: when i stub my toe? lol.

i am not:the droid you are looking for

i dance: for exercise!

i sing: any chance i get, especially in public.

i cry: when I'm lonely

i dont always: take good care of myself.

i fight: when someone tries to hurt someone I care for.

i write: way too much in one blog post!

i win: when i don't give up.

i lose: when I second guess myself.

i never: imagined my life would be like it is.

i always: wear perfume when I go out.

i confuse: few people. I'm quite transparent.

i listen:to weird music.

i can usually be found: at the PC

i need: something to concentrate on constantly.

i am happy about: my life turning around.

i imagine: what my kids will look like.

i tag: Rainy, Bob, and YOU, yeah, you, the person reading this.

Mecollage

G-man tagged me with this "me collage" thing and I tried it. I may have messed up or broken some rules but It'll have to do =P

Here is why I put what I did here.

1. The moon in the background represents the fact that I'm a night person.
2. The stars and wings are for my best friends, who are my angels.
3. The heart represents... My heart!
4. Then there's the bandage that protects it and holds it together. Not everybody needs to get that reference I don't think.
5. NO SMOKING! That seems to take over my life at some points and be all I can think about, but I'm going to stay strong.
6. Coke Zero!!! My caffeinated lifeblood, woohoo!
7. The big cat - Is soft and pretty but not very nice when provoked. Plus I love felines of all kinds!
8. The image itself um... kinda represents my love of photoshop =)
9. The red tones represent my mood right now. Don't worry it's not at you!

8

Of course nobody tags me so I ripped this off g-man's blog since it looked like fun.

8 things I am passionate about

1. "You know who" yeah you know who you are =P

2. My friends

3. My cats

4. The interwebs!

5. Singing

6. Graphics Design

7. Learning - Contrary to popular belief I love to learn new things. Just not what others want me to usually =). I do rather love history and finding out about other parts of the world.

8. Gaming

8 things I wanna do before I die

1. Have children

2. Have my own successful business

3. Learn to cook as well as my grandmother could

4. Travel the world (especially Asia).

5. Settle in one place for more than 10 years

6. Meet my great grandchildren

7. Be famous for something positive

8. Grow a gigantic flower garden

8 things I say often

1. OMG

2. Sheeeat (Said as not to sound like the actual swear.)

3. AWESOME

4. Uhoh

5. um ok...

6. Howdy

7. dude

8. lol

8 books I read recently

I don't really read books. Just magazines. The true story kind and i got a photoshop tutorial book the other day.

8 songs I could listen to over and over again

1. Cold - Annie Lennox

2. Tunak Tunak Tun - Daler Mehndi

3. Best of You - Foo Fighters

4. Reason To Believe - Rod Stewart

5. Vicinity of Obscenity - System of a Down (Banana banana banana terracotta pie!)

6. Until the End of Time - Justin Timberlake

7. Linger - The Cranberries

8. Broken - Seether/Amy Lee

8 people I think should do this tag

I'm not sure that 8 people read my blog! But tell me if you do it!

Hera the Hippie?

So I went out shopping. I got a new hoodie, some herbal calming pill things and ate really crappy lasagna for lunch. So I'm walking out of the mall towards Aldi (who sell really good cheap stuff!) and start to pass this group of school children who were probably ages 8-13.

One of them calls out to me "Hey you! Are you a hippie??" all the others are laughing and I say "No, what in the hell are you?" Of course I'm not one to pick fights with kids so I stood around and let them ask questions while a couple of them scooted around on skateboards and scooters.

Anyway these kids are totally dumbfounded at my weird american-australian-slanged up accent. and ask "Where are you from?" I answer "Across town". They were none too happy with that. So, they asked "What are you doing here?" I said "Shopping". "Where are your groceries?" "in my bag and I'm headed to get more." Something made me feel inclined to stay and let them keep asking questions. Maybe I was lonely or MAYBE I was about to be heavily entertained.

Anyway the puny little punk kid that asked the original hippie question kept skateboarding back in forth way too close to me. I kept humoring the kids until exactly what I was waiting for happened... BOOM punk skateboard kid falls and busts his ass on the concrete. For once I was ready with exactly what to say. "Have a nice trip. See you next fall." EVERY other kid laughed like crazy and I had obviously earned my "cred"

So I walked off and finished my shopping and got some more frozen butter chicken and rice meals (They ROCK) and some spaghetti stuff and some bananas (had too many already =() and an avocado and a bunch of totally unnecessary junk food that I will hide from myself. I also got a decent walk in so that's 2 days this week. The junk food is stuff i can have in tiny bits and enjoy. I find individual packaging is my friend when trying not to eat myself to death =).

Oh and I got these herbal calming pill things. They're actually something you need to have several times a day. Maybe they will help me stay calm while I continue to quit smoking.

And for the record I look nothing like a hippie! I just had a lot of multicolored barettes in my hair and was wearing some bright eyeshadow because I thought I looked a little sleepy and wanted my eyes to look a little perkier. Oh.. and I guess these days wearing pants that don't wedge themselves in your buttcrack is considered kind of strange too. I will wear my wide-legged jeans until you pry them off my cold... dead... legs? Oh well. Fashion is stupid. I have no use for it. I don't care if everybody else is wearing solid black. I was in a rainbow mood today.

That proves my point though. Kids these days are really really really undisciplined... and stupid... and have no respect. I will bitch more about that when I'm 80 or something.

Pip pip cheerio!

Early in the mornin'

And I'm up and have nothing to blog about other than walking to the store earlier today. I just feel inclined to keep updating. Oh and I decided to put a bigass IMVU banner to the side of my page. So if you want to earn some credits in there for me sign up under that link.

Oh yeah, I walked to the store and I'm completely and totally out of shape. So, I'm going to start walking to the store more often until I don't feel like I'm dying by the time I get home. I got the stuff to make nachos at the store, but I was too tired when I got back so I guess I'm having nachos for lunch tomorrow.

I need to lose a little weight. All the stuff I've put my body thru in the last several months has turned my "fat pants" into my normal pants. I am the heaviest I have ever been and slightly overweight for the first time in my life. I'm not a perfectionist and don't care if I'm a little doughy generally, but when it becomes a health hazard it's time to start losing. Right now is a very bad time to give up my chocolate habit. So, I guess that will have to be with exercise.

I'm not big on changing the more permanent aspects of my body. I'm fairly happy with the way I'm fairly happy with the way I'm built and I'm trying to grow my hair longer so I guess I will adjust to it being turd brown because I won't be coloring it anymore. Right now it's kinda off red because the dye washed out a lot, but it's going back to the natural color it seems. If it doesn't I'm coloring it the natural color and leaving it alone.

My internet is chock full of retard this morning. It's disconnected like 3 times already so this post might not be in the morning at the rate it's going. So yeah I'm going to go ahead and post this while the posting is good because, though this is a crap post, I hate losing work. Yeeeeeah.

Damnit!

This is just a post to say that I hate most people. Why? Not because they look or smell funny or snort when they laugh or listen to bad music or walk on the grass on my lawn when they're walking down the street and there are no cars coming. It's simple. They're farking inconsiderate!

Not saying that some of the stuff above couldn't be classed as inconsiderate, but it isn't the kind I'm talking about. I mean this newly "evolved" race of human beings that can go through life with their thumb up their ass going LA LA LA THE WORLD F*CKING REVOLVES AROUND MEEEE!

We're all guilty of this to a degree, but ffs! I have been on a psychological rollercoaster of suck for the last 3 1/2 weeks. EVERYBODY I deal with knows it. Everybody that reads this blog knows it! STILL, countless times people have done things that absolutely stomped on my nerves that they could have easily lived without doing.

For instance, Wednesday I decided to go out to the pub and try to sing some karaoke. I despise going to the pub for reasons other than getting a chance to sing. I called my "friend" to come out with me. Mind you when i say despise, I mean... sit there nervous the whole time and try to hide or sit as close to an employee as possible in hopes the drunks wont hassle me despise. This night was no different. I sat at the very front in easy sight of the karaoke people and looked through my song book hoping this friend would show up soon. So, 10-15 minutes later (When said "friend" was 10-15 minutes late already) this stupid stinking beer-drunk asshole comes and puts his arm around me and says he's looking at my book. First of all this makes NO sense. I have been sitting studying the same page for a song for about 2 minutes already and there is a book not being used on the next table. So, I sternly say something along the lines of "TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME NOW!" *(I say along the lines because i don't remember if I said Take your or get your). This guy calls me a bitch and walks off muttering insults.

I totally let this slide! I am in the mood to sing. There is nothing I can do in this situation that would do anything but cause more drama, which would make me more anxious. --- about 15-20 minutes later the "friend" shows up!!! He didn't see me where I was sitting so i followed him out to the dreaded smoking area. I went no further than a couple of feet out the door for OBVIOUS reasons. I call his name and he turns around, and what does he IMMEDIATELY do? Light up and blow the smoke RIGHT IN MY FACE. Only a few hours earlier I'd spent a good 20 minutes on the phone with him. at least 3 or 4 of those talking about my quitting smoking. Of course that shot my mood to 0 and I ended up singing 2 songs and leaving after being there about an hour and a half. That's okay though. Coming home and talking to my friends was much more fun.

Okay that's very blatantly being inconsiderate. The little things get to me over time too. Like how I do everything in my power to stay calm even though I'm very very irritable and feel like biting most peoples' faces off and spitting the remains back onto them. Of course, EVERY DAY someone does something they KNOW upsets me, stresses me out or just gets on my nerves.

For instance, Buzzing me and nudging me in IM... Someone I've told NEVER EVER EVER to do that decides to do it after a month. Now, i thought that was no problem because well, nobody had in so long (Its mostly people that are new to the internet and dickheads that use that anyway right?) I have since got my new computer so I had yet to turn it off. Of course I'm working in photoshop, carefully drawing some nose details on my skin when *OHERKEWJHROIJEHROUHER* (dont know how to imitate the sound) ___ has just sent you a nudge! and HAY U THERE? Of course I was in complete peace and quiet, concentrating and it scared the crap out of me and i ruined what i was drawing and bumped my knee on my desk. So I IM back, as this isn't really someone I want to block. "Hey don't _expletive deleted_ do that! I've told you like 50 times!" (I didn't know where to turn the nudge off on msn until I got a random chat that did it, swore at them and they, amazingly enough, told me how to! KEEPER!) What's the response? A simple "Whats up ur ass?"
Well jackass you will never find out even if there is something because you're farking blocked.

While we're on the subject of "R u there?????" I will NEVER reply more quickly if someone asks me that.

Of course that's just the tip of the iceburg. In the last month I've blocked and or deleted several contacts from the various messengers I use and SL. These are for a range of reasons including excessive "r u there", Trying to engage me in conversations about sex, Telling me extremely graphic and gross stories, starting EVERY conversation with details of a negative event and trying to borrow game currency after not speaking to me for over a month. Everybody that got blocked knew better. I'm probably way way way better off.

Anyway I'm gonna go work on my skin. I wanna get chilled out. By the way, I DID mess up a few times, but I'm still quitting smoking and doing damned good with it. If anybody was curious.

Byeeee

Realizations...

I am going thru one of the scariest parts of my life right now. I think other people get to learn things about themselves gradually, but I'm getting a crash course in Hera 101.

One of the things that scares me the most is I have been doing things in a way that would keep people from thinking I am "weird". The problem is I don't even like these people I've been worried about judging me.

I gave up a lot of my morals and what I really felt so I could avoid being considered strange or a prude. I am taking all of them back and living my life for myself and those who really matter. Some of those people actually still think I'm a nice, respectable girl. *winks* That's a big title to live up to, but everybody needs a goal right?

I also realized that I need to start acting more like a woman. Yes, I can have fun and hang in with the guys, but some things just aren't proper and women and men were made different for a reason. We are supposed to be the gentle voice of reason. I'm sure lots of people will think that sounds sexist, but that's another thing I've tried to deny.

Yes, I'm sexist against my own gender. No, I don't think men are better than women. I just think that women screwed themselves out of their natural rights. As I said before, women and men are different. Equal, but different. We were intended to take different positions in life. Ok I guess you wanna know where I'm going with this right? I ache for a traditional lifestyle. Husband, kids, hell, I want to be a housewife.

Uhoh how many of you just cringed? Would you have even 20 years ago? Suddenly the aspiration to take care of my husband and children is far fetched, selfish and lazy. That's what I've always wanted to do with my life. I never much cared about getting a degree or anything like that. I'm afraid I'm going to regret that though. Because I'm realizing living that sort of lifestyle is most likely impossible.

That's one of the good things I found out about myself. I don't need a lot to be happy. I'm almost sure i could survive on love, food, shelter, clothing, air and internet access. Yeah that last one is a little frivolous but I need my computer. My friends live in it! If not for them I could totally do without it.

Oh, would you believe, I'm actually somewhat talented. I get my biggest kicks out of creating something new and seeing other people benefit from it or enjoy it. It took a lot of help from my friends, but even Alan noted today that I do good work. That felt pretty good considering he was suffering from woman trouble and is almost impossible to distract from things like that. I guess nice guys really do finish last.

I guess that's another thing I've learned lately. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get caught in jet engines.

Finally, thanks to Bob and his friends, I've learned how different life can be just because of where you are born. I knew that things weren't the same as here all over the world, but just talking to him and reading various blogs has shown me that there are in fact VERY different, but civilized parts of the world. I may even venture to say better. People of some cultures just have a lot more heart than Americans and Aussies. Nuff said.

Now I've realized I'm too tired to keep blogging about this. I suppose I could make a whole other post if need be. So I'm out.

My cats

I talk about my cats but never showed them here! The multicolored one is Priscilla or "Prissy". The black one is Buddy or "Buddylicious" as I've been calling him lately heh.

IMVU Hera

I think everybody already knows that I play Second Life, and being the virtual-world nut that I am, I let those stupid ads for IMVU influence me until I made an account. I also registered my name so it doesn't have Guest_ in the front of it (Costs about $8) as well as bought a few credits.

Good news is I've already learned to create/texture stuff for it and I already made a whopping 49 credits. It's pretty easy to play with especially since I'm used to the hassle which is Second Life creating.

Here's a picture of the IMVU me. I'm sure it will change all the time just like the SL me, but oh well.

Yay

I've decided that I'm not going to censor my thoughts, emotions or opinions in this blog anymore. I might even note when I pas gas while posting. Just kidding. Girls don't pass gas.

I haven't gone to prison for murdering anybody...

I just haven't had much to write about except for nicotine withdrawals and Photoshop. So sorry =-P. The nic cravings aren't going too bad. I found a cigarette packet with 1 in it this morning and freaked out a little, but promptly discarded it in a way it could never be smoked.
I've been pretty calm but I still sleep WAY too much. I'd much rather be productive than waste day AND night. I'm sure I'll get over it.

Oh I'm thinking about buying an Asus EEE PC when I've been off the smokes for a month. You know, treat myself a little.

Anyway nothing worth a crap to talk about right now.

QuitX Nicotine Patches SUCK!

I normally wouldn't bash a branded product right here on my blog, but I have to warn all Aussies trying to quit smoking using the patch that I can. I don't know... I guess I feel that it's my duty and I wouldn't want to meet anyone trying to quit smoking using these patches either.

The first time I quit smoking I used the Nicabate CQ Patches. It honestly helped lots! It killed off most of the withdrawal symptoms and cravings. So obviously, this time, I decided to try the same thing again. (Just hope I have more willpower afterwards this time.) But, I made the mistake of buying the $14 cheaper QuitX patches this time. Oh boy, I'm frugal!

Anyway the first thing you notice about these, are that they are like a funny round band-aid (sticky around the edges with the "stuff" in the middle and made out of similar material) instead of the squarish, sturdy, plasticky Nicabate patches. I figured if they were $20 a box they had to work similarly right?

Sometimes it would pay for me to be a bit cynical towards these things because 7 days of these patches = a week of hell. The first thing I noticed was that they didn't stick well. And I'll tell ya what, the last thing you want on your 2nd day of trying to quit is to wake up with the stupid patch nowhere to be found. Also, I don't know if this was the brand or bad luck or what, but the fun and interesting lucid dreams I had last time I was on a 24 hour patch (half the reason i use the 24 hour one) were mostly nightmares about really weird snakes and spiders and some pretty creepy stuff. The main problem with these was... They just don't kill the cravings as well!
Nowhere near as well. I spent a lot of last week sitting and crying, unable to concentrate and sleeping. I even ended up at the doctor because I had been so upset, my blood sugar wouldn't behave and I ended up with ketones day after day. Also, the stupid things gave me a huge blister on one of my arms. I used the Nicabate plan all the way thru last time and the worst thing that happened was they left some sticky stuff on me. Annoying, but way better than falling off.
So, yesterday I was smart and when I had to get new ones, got Nicabate again this time. I hardly believe how different they are. The headaches that were driving me to tears are gone, I can sort of concentrate, I have very few cravings and feel 100x better than before. Also I dreamt I was at a party with some friends, but I smoked in the dream. At least I got my fix somewhere right? That's happened a couple of times, but somehow I wake up feeling like I've smoked? Anyway, i noticed the difference within a few hours of changing brands. Nobody should be allowed to market something as a "similar product" if it is that crappy in comparison to what it's imitating.

Man, I don't believe I can spend so much text writing about how crappy something is compared to how awesome something is, but cool... I hope I at least got the point across! Really though, if you're serious about quitting and a heavy smoker, just go ahead and get the good brand if you intend to use the patch. If you're in the US they're likely still less costly than your smoking budget. In Australia, they are less than half per week. Don't get conned into thinking you're getting a bargain by buying a drastically inferior product. And if you too are trying to quit, I wholeheartedly wish you the best of luck.

My Opals... Let me show you them!

Finally I got un-lazy enough to take pics of my rough opals during sunlight. I know to the untrained eye they look like ugly rocks with pretty flecks... Well fark, to me they look like ugly rocks with pretty flecks. But, if you want to see the potential of these little stones you can get an idea what they can turn into here.
Sorry I'm absolutely craptastic with photography, but you can probably get an idea of what colors are in these from the huge-antimous image (I thumbnailed it. Aren't I sweet?)


Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!


Anyhow, *coughs* the reason these are numbered is so that I can talk about them and make sense instead of "You know that little tiny whitish colored one?" I have a number for it!

So here's my new hobby, polishing these... With sandpaper... Wish me luck in NOT causing injury to my fingers!

Links to my stuff =P

Here is the link to my gallery on ShareCG where I have my color palettes! Yay. =)

Interesting day...

I can't even call today a good or bad day, so I will say it was interesting. It started off with my ketones being retarded, but I had good company so it wasn't quite so bad. I have slept about 3 times today. That's a bit of both. I have been completely tired, which sucks. But, at least I'm sleeping thru a lot of my nicotine withdrawals. Speaking of which, my stupid nicotine patch gave me a huge blister on my arm! I was pretty angry at that.

As far as the good things go, I finally managed to get to the Sushi train and eat a sashimi bento and drink a Pocca coffee. Yes, eating raw fish and drinking cold coffee can make my day. I also got some wet/dry sandpaper stuff to start polishing my opals. I still have to take some pics of them for my friend before I start grinding on them though. I think they will have pretty color.

I have absolutely got to find another project to get into tonight other than more sleeping! Ideally, one with money making potential. I have been seriously considering making some things for renderosity.com, but even though I think I could do it, I don't have poser so I don't completely trust myself. I have been making some free realistic color palettes to give away for free. If anybody here wants those let me know and I will pop them up here.

Anyway, I'm going to go see what I can get myself into. Have a good one guys, I'll probably be back soon!

Aussie food sucks. Nuff said!

Of course that sounds mean. I meant it that way. First of all, I don't understand how companies can make items with the same label that are supposed to be the same as in the US so godawfully different. I once ate a can of Campbells' tomato soup over here and nearly gagged because it was so sugary! Even a lot of rissoles, which are essentially hamburger patties with "stuff" in them i.e. vegetables, are sweet half the time. Nobody is sugaring up my food except the manufacturers. This is the way things that should be totally savory come off the shelf here and it farking scares me, being a diabetic and has since I first realized it.

So this morning I was hungry and the food supply in the house was slack so I get this stuff out of the cabinet called "All day breakfast". Oh yum! baked beans, sausage, a sprinkling of ham and a few potatoes. That should be a decent meal right? NO! As I heated it in the microwave I read the can out of boredom. I nearly dropped it when I read that this contained 30 grams of sugar! Ok... Potatoes, high carbohydrate, but not enough of those in it to warrant 30 F*CKING grams of SUGAR. Beans maybe a little of it, but, I am figuring the sauce it was in might be the culprit. It doesn't even taste that good though. Why add the sugar?

This will keep happening until I decide to cook everything I eat from vegetables I grew in the ground. What's ridiculous is the extra, totally un-necessary sugar makes the food taste like crap. If I'm going to commit sugary genocide against myself I at least want to make it worth it. Hell I could have a *real* Pepsi or Coke for that much sugar. Hell, even a packet of Peanut M&M's would have been a healthier breakfast for me. And folks, I think that's mighty sad.

I guess that this wouldn't come off as that important to some people who aren't used to having these things, but, WHERE THE #$#& CAN I GET CRISPY BACON AROUND HERE? That is the only part of a pig worth eating. The crispy yummy breakfasty American style fatty bacon. And if you ask for it in Australia, the butcher will look at you like you just told them you shot their dog and they have testicular cancer, but sang the news to the tune of "Somewhere over the Rainbow". Also, hot dogs have SKIN EWW EWW EWW. I would nearly kill for some Oscar Meyer wieners. And for those of you that don't understand American branding, I know nobody named Oscar or Oscar Meyer so don't even try to make a bad joke. Also, to my dismay, Slim Jims do not make it through customs. I tried =(.

Anyway I'm trying to find some better stuff to eat on the grocery store website (http://www.woolworths.com.au) Apparently they deliver groceries to this area now. WOOT! Also I'm hanging with Bob and feel rude tabbed over bitching about food while he's around. So bye for now!

Blah...

Not the first time you've seen that as a blog title I assume! Sorry to be unoriginal but it fits. I dealt with ketones and slept most of the day today. Ketones are when a diabetic's body decides to go completely retarded and start eating at body fat. If you want a better explanation I even looked up a link. http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-and-ketones.html .

I felt sort of forsaken today as nobody RL checked on me at all during my 9 hour ketone induced nap. Bob rang me a few times and sent me a text. Of course when I finally got up he made me feel a lot better too. He has to be the most caring and dependable person I know.

I haven't really got any work done as I can't think of much to do today. I'm kinda thinking I should just get some new Photoshop brushes and stuff to use later. My brain probably needs a vacation. I could even blog more. It's not like it will hurt me to write stuff out. I have really been enjoying that lately. When my brain stops being mush I think I will start writing some Photoshop tutorials.

Anyway, I'm ok. That was the main point of this post, to let all my friends know that I haven't gone to jail for killing someone in a fit of nicotine craving rage. That's actually not that bad today. I hope everyone is having a splendid what-ever-time-of-day it is and I will write something later I'm pretty sure. Take care all!

Thinking Things Over

I am scared that who I am and who I've become is going to screw me out of going where I want to go and being who I want to be (and truly am). My whole life has been a bit troublesome. I've only realized how much so looking back from my adult life. I think I'm going to end up being punished for things that people I know consider no big deal. Because to me, they are and to the people that truly matter to me they are.

I don't want to go through the rest of my life settling for less or worse because I made mistakes and did things that I shouldn't have before they were even classified as wrong to me. I want to redeem myself and be a good person. I know that my past will always reflect a little on my present, but I want nothing more than the chance to prove that I'm a good person even so.

I have asked God for a lot of favors lately. I try not to ask for too many. It seems the one I pray for the most is to be "good". I also ask for God to do whatever he sees fit with my life, but please help me cope with whatever he throws at me. I think he is helping me gradually, but reminding me that I was a little badass for so long that I have a lot of making up to do.

Of course I pray for my friends too. I hope it helps. If my atheist friends read this they'd think I was nutty, but I really don't care anymore. After all, even if there were nothing, what's wrong with willing good things upon people or believing something is watching out for you? I have been in a spiritual slump more than once. Those were the most desperate times in my life. When I started asking for God's help and thanking him for what I had things got better. It could have been a coincidence (Though I don't believe it was) Or it could be the man upstairs looking out for me. Either way, I know I will never abandon my spirituality again for ANYBODY.

I have been blessed with some of the kindest, most caring friends and the most wonderful guy I could possibly have. I guess thats where my fears come from. Sometimes I think I'm not good enough for these people. One in particular, I'm afraid I will shame because of the way my life has gone. That's the last thing I want to do, but I won't give up on him because it's just too odd how we were brought together. Unless he's going to be taken away from me later (As a big big punishment for being a bad bad girl) I feel that the feelings we share were meant to be.

I probably shouldn't write too much about that. I have a feeling the "wrong" people are just waiting to get hold of my blog and chew me into little tiny pieces for writing out my feelings in a place where I can be identified. But you know what? I've been overcautious because of that very reason for years. I get tired of having to hide everything I feel. Hell, most of the people that will read this are total strangers or friends of friends. What do I REALLY have to hide?

I guess the worst thing that could happen is embarrassment. And I've come to learn some things about feelings like that. They never last *that* long and are never as bad as you think they will be. I guess I should remodel my life a little and start thinking of the things I want to say and do and analyze the repercussions to see which of those things could actually hurt me (Like bungee jumping) and which will temporarily sting (like getting laughed at for my opinion on something) I think if I could get that down I would have a happier life.

Another thing I'm trying to learn is how to close a blog post without being abrupt when I run out of things to write about... Like... now =P

Progress maybe?

Yay! I just woke up from a (long) nap feeling mostly human! Now if I could just stop having the long naps twice plus a day (When the cravings get really insane) I would be on a roll.
I actually have faith that I'm going to manage to quit now that the worst of it is over (I hope!)! I have been praying and trying to think positively a lot.

Today I actually managed to get most of a new skin done in SL. She's really pretty. If I'm not too lazy I will post a picture of her here sometime. Though, the next will probably already be done before I think about it.

I need to actually think of something to do to get out and into some sunlight. Unfortunately, quitting everything most people here do for entertainment kind of leaves me at a loss. All those "cool" friends I had around here are nowhere to be found now that I've said "I don't care to go to the pub anymore." At least I was able to afford this shiny new computer that doesn't crash on me every 20 minutes because I wasn't spending all my money on "entertainment" I could barely remember, right?

That kind of goes back to my first post about most of my friends being online. Pretty much everybody that means anything to me communicates with me here. Even my own mother uses ICQ to speak to me instead of calling! Of course, there are the wonderful people I've met online. My two best girl-friends and Bob being the most notable, but I love all my friends. Oh... And a few of the "good ones" from back home still talk to me on MSN and ICQ. Unfortunately, I find myself wanting to kill every one of them most of the time except for Justin and Alan. (I just want to kill them occasionally.)

I guess I asked for no real-life friends by kind of falling out of the "scene" and not being over-eager to go out and find new ones, but honestly, the people in this area have been a serious disappointment. I've thought about church, but I'm not quite sure which one I'd fit into here. So, I figure for now why not just stick with my friends online? I mean, millions of people I can have an intelligent, or at least mostly coherent conversation with? (Though I've narrowed my choices for whom to do that with down to about 10-15).

Ahh well! Enough complaining for now! Wait, was that complaining? Nah... I wasn't complaining! Just stating the facts. Be back later, hopefully with something better to write about.

Sorry to be a worry...

Yeah the quitting smoking thing is totally kicking my ass. Even with nicotine patches, I can't concentrate and have trouble keeping with any activity for more than a few minutes. Strangely enough, I find that I'm getting by the best when I have someone to talk to online, especially Bob. He keeps me from wanting to set things on fire and yell.

My other friends are very supportive too, but I also think they're scared. I got all grouchy at my best girl-friend and felt horrible. I cleared it up thank goodness. I wasn't even really mad at her, just mad period.

I guess I'm getting a little work done. I've been making some color palettes for Photoshop that should really help me with some of my skin making. I'll be glad when the worst of the nicotine withdrawals are over so I can actually use them.

OH! I got a new sound card yesterday! A Sound Blaster X-fi Xtreme Gamer! Yeah I'm a real "xtreme" gamer. I can play Second Life and Peggle Extreme (Downloaded that for free from Steam yesterday cause I have an Nvidia card!) In extra pretty sound! Ok, I could have probably got by with a cheaper one, but that's what they had at the shop and I wanted instant gratification!

I might actually write again today. I'm lost for words now, but just had a 4 hour nap so I will probably be up a long while. So ttfn...

Stupid Quitting Smoking

Right now I'd almost give up part of my life not to smell things more strongly and have this stupid headache. I've made it 24 hours, but I think quitting is actually getting worse.

I can't concentrate enough to even take up a project to try to cool myself down. This majorly sucks.

Shopping Exttravaganza?

I made it out to the mall today and ended up trying to take home half of it as well as enduring the most painful cosmetic procedure I've ever had.
I'm not a huge shopper. I usually go when I actually need something. Well, I guess I did today, but I think I overdid it a bit! I came home with 3 new lipsticks (Maybeline was on sale dude!), a broom, a mop, a new can for my change, towels for making my cat bed and stuffed dragons with pot bellies! Oh, and bought some lotto tickets I'm about to scratch.

- Please Wait -
*Expletive Deleted*
Just won a $1 ticket this time. There's always next time to lose a few bucks though right?

Anyway, if you're wondering, The painful cosmetic procedure was facial waxing. I decided I needed new eyebrows and on the spot, decided to get rid of my upper lip hair thats only noticeable if you're way way way way way too far into my personal space anyway. I'm used to having my eyebrows pulled out at the roots, but SHEESH the lip actually made me swear aloud!!!! But, the chick promptly showed me how much hair she waxed off and we both agreed it was totally worth it. I still feel a little numb there, but smooth as a baby's butt.

Oh yeah. I got some Tulsi tea with gotu kola! I popped the box a little earlier and i smell it and its nice. It's supposed to calm you and do all sorts of neat stuff. The gotu kola is for memory!

I also went to the pet store and held the fluffiest kitten ever. He was a really pretty light ginger color. But, when I handed him back I noticed I'd been coated in ginger fur in the 2 minutes I held him. Sorry cat... I'll stick to my short haired Buddy & Prissy.

Anyway, I came home and slept for about 8 hours. I meant to only have a nap, but thats just the way it goes sometimes right? Honestly, I'm still sleepy, but I'll get over it.

Hehe ok, written enough drivel for right now.

Malayamaybe?

This probably actually says "Stupid White Person" But I tried to write Hera in Malayalam

Introductions

Hello,
I'm Hera. Of course I'm not putting my real name here for obvious reasons. I have created this blog because I am finding it fun to write again, plus, I am about to quit smoking and every opportunity I have to keep my hands busy (Get your mind out of the gutter!) is going to be beneficial.

Maybe I should write a little about myself. I am a 26 (almost 27) year old who immigrated from the USA to Australia about 6 1/2 years ago. I have type 1 diabetes and some other issues I might talk about from time to time, but nothing terribly serious.

I spend a good portion of my life in Photoshop. I play Second Life and love to sing. I have two cats who keep me entertained and most of my friends are online due to reasons I will write about later.

I guess i will include the digest of the last 6 months of my life for anybody that cares.
Last year I exchanged agoraphobia and social anxiety for booze and pot. I felt on top of the world for a long time. I didn't realize what these were doing to the medications for the aforementioned maladies and ended up on a downward spiral of crap.

So, a few months back, I ended up sick and with my diabetes out of control. I ended up taking a couple of ambulance rides in a couple of weeks (My first ambulance rides ever and I don't remember much of either!). I decided to give up the drinking and "herbal refreshment" and try to clean up my life and take control of my health a bit. So with the support of my Bob (The cool-whip on my chocolate jello pudding) and my online friends (who rock) I quit both cold turkey. I've had low-carb beer in my fridge since before the second ambo ride and havent touched it and have been invited to "have a cone" at least 15 times and have declined.

Of course I haven't really been out and about a lot since, but I've come to a conclusion. As long as I can get myself where I need to go without freaking out I'm fine. Why do I have to go to the stupid pub? Of course I lost 98% of the "friends" I had because I stopped partying, but I find that I enjoy digital art and hanging with my friends online more than wasting all my money on beer, falling all over myself and having at least 3 hangovers a week. And I asked myself an important question. "Do they really like me if they mostly deal with me when I'm drunk?"

When I actually realized how much less I was spending by not boozing *hugs her Reclusa keyboard and Wacom graphics tablet* I made another decision. I'm going to quit smoking again! This time I won't have the occasional one at the pub which led to the demise of my last quitting attempt. Maybe this time I will stay off them for good. Of course the MAIN reason for quitting is my health, but that isn't the best incentive for some of us no matter how hard we try to make it.

So I have this crap I'm thinking about doing to keep myself busy. First off my dear friend Neural is having someone send me some rough opals to polish. Sound strange? Well if you've never tried to quit smoking maybe it would. If you have tried a few times you can truly understand how therapeutic rubbing rock against sandpaper would be to someone who literally feels like doing the uppercut finishing move from Mortal Kombat that drops the guy onto spikes under the bridge you're fighting on. Also, I just got the idea to make beds for my cats. They love sleeping in those little cardboard half-boxes that sodas come in. So I am going to make an elasticized cover out of towels (that can be washed) with a little removable mattress for underneath. That way I can replace the boxes if they get all ghetto'd up. I plan to hand sew them because as I said before, I need to keep my hands busy! Of course I will be working in Photoshop A LOT! And I just replaced explodoputer for a new dual-core.

Explodoputer was crashing and freezing at random and eating my work. That's about the last thing I need when I'm trying to stay CALM. My monitor had also eaten it's own ass. I replaced that too. So now I have a dual core 2.4 ghz (Intel) with 2 gigs of ram, a 160 gig HD (or 2 if you count the old one that's in right now), A 20x dual-layer cd burner in a pink case. Yes, a pink case. It was the first thing I noticed when I walked into the computer shop. It actually has good ventilation and cooling. (Including an awesome fan with blue lights on the side.) The monitor I got kicks butt too. I think the display even looks better than Aaron's 22" Viewsonic Widescreen. Don't tell him that though. It's a 19" Samsung Widescreen with a 2ms response time. I actually see the difference between a 2ms and 5ms. Or maybe it's just the fact that it's mine and I love it. (Kinda like a mama with an ugly kid.) Oh and I grabbed some new Logitech 5.1 speakers. I'm a dork. I'm only using the 2 main ones right now until theres more room on my desk, but they still blow the last ones I had out of the water so nyehhh.

Hopefully I will have a lot of interesting stuff to write here. I have some odd views on things so it isn't highly unlikely. I guess I'm thru bitching and bragging for now... Take it easy whoever's reading this!